Etched in a Memory
One vivid holiday memory happened when I got into the chocolates; I remember quickly unwrapping the candy, popping them into my mouth and then hiding the wrapper underneath layers of trash. I would do this until I heard someone coming or literally felt sick.
I have seen this situation unfold in my adult years, using many other tools outside of food to sabotage myself. But what gets me the most… this was me as a child. Writing it makes me ache for that little girl. I have my own story of why I battled knowing my worth and value, as everyone does. Just know that my little subconscious was already forming a belief system around a toxic and subtle lie that would inevitably set the stage of every pattern and choice I made.
The Trouble with Growing Up
Growing up can be tough. Those toxic behaviors matured.
Alcohol abuse kicked in & Negative self-talk was in full effect.
Culture, magazines, and media only adding fuel to my belief that I wasn’t enough…
I had no clue the damage that would come from these types of behaviors. Now I see that I was adding kerosene to an already well-lit burning fire of self-destruction and sabotage.
So thankful that you are here. My name is Demetria and most of my days can easily be filled with chaos and stress, here is why… I am a mom of 4 boys! Enough said! Just by this statement you should be able to see why I had a secret stash of chocolate and mindlessly ate through an entire bag of chips!
All teasing aside, my issues with emotional eating and knowing my worth and value, started well before motherhood. Each of these statements could have been visible throughout my childhood and beyond.
After the lie was exposed I had to look at my life and assess the damage. I had been viewing myself through a broken lens and the ripple effect was costly. It was time to replace the lie with truth, that I am unique, made for a purpose, created & formed, and unlike anyone else… Any thoughts on what the ripple effect will look like with this as your belief system?
To New Beginnings
Joy in the Chaos
Even amongst the chaos of my life, goodness can be found and seen in every direction. Wonderful friendships throughout my life. Finding my forever-supportive husband who puts up with my many emotions. Watching my boys play sports. All the kids piled on our bed. Hallmark Movies with my mom and sisters. Game nights. My life has been showered with blessings.
Here are a few fun facts about me
I’m a boy mom through and through.
My favorite season is Fall! Even though I love bits and pieces from each one.
I battle anxiety.
Laughing is seriously my favorite thing to do.
I crave alone time, which is new for me!
An Answer to my Prayers
As time went on it, I got an answer to my prayer. A prayer spanning over many, many, years with an answer that’s continually showing itself daily.
God exposed the toxic lie.
Through this growth process and healing journey my path eventually led me to get certified as a Life and Health Coach. For the first time outside of motherhood and being a wife, I believe that I have stepped into my purpose and passion!
Longing for Value
Over the next 15 years…I sat desperate, I cried, I yoyo dieted, I prayed for myself to feel freedom from food, I desired so badly to have control over my body, I wanted peace… I was tired of saying
This year will be different-
I’ll start over on Monday-
It’s lunch and I just blew my diet-
Or the shame that came with looking in the mirror over and over again-
A Lovely Interruption
I would be missing so much if I didn’t share this next part of my journey with you. My faith journey. In my early 20’s I came into a relationship with Jesus. I wish I could tell you that at that moment I had an immediate turn around and my life looked completely different, but it didn’t. The sabotage eating, partying, drinking, promiscuity, were all still there. I used to be upset by this, but now I am thankful. I love my journey, slow and steady. God revealing what I needed at his appointed time. This is the way he still is with me!